she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You should frame my arrest warrant.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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