Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
