so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
