last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
