If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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