She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
