My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
