I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
