i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
