i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
