this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
