you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
