I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
