C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
