Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
