i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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