My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
