it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
