The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Come on in and take your pants off
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