you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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