she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
