the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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