What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
