spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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