the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
