somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
