She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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