there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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