i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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