Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
