So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
