I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
