I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
