I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
