but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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