I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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