i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
