I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
