He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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