i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
