I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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