I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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