How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
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