wat bout pragnant strippers??
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
