While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
