We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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