just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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