u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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