hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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