i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
