he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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