NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
