you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
