i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
