Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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