Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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