We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
