My first STD was from a foam party
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
