I'm gonna have a badass scar
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
