Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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