I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
