that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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